there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
