He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
