At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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