i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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