Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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