nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
