Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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