yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
