we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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