I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
