not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
