Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Randomize
