I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
home. puking in laundry basket.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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