I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
