Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
