I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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