I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.