You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?