Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7