people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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