the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS