I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?