I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
