The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
