I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
