He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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