he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
