apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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