yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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