Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
