Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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