You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
