should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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