I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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