1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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