Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
