It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
