i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
