Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
