I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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