Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
