dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
