So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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