Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
