we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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