I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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