I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
