Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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