Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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