Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
