I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
