I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
