I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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