its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
