In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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