I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
