Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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