I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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