i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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