I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
