I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
