Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
