My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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