Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?

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(314): View more from Missouri

Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity

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(973): View more from New Jersey

You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.

(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm trying to hide in the table.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside

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