he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
